almost everyone has something to say – including the unmarried ones, When it comes to the issue of marriage in Nigeria,
Marriage does not have a one-size fits all approach
The moment you declare your intention to get married to your significant other; family, friends and well-wishers will literally bury you with a truckload of marriage advice. Some of these words of wisdom have been regurgitated year in year out by everyone, so much so that they’re now regarded as the Holy Grail of marital bliss. Unfortunately, some of these pieces of advice are complete nonsense.
Let’s break them down for you below.
1. Have sex a lot: Yes, we agree that sex is very important in a marriage, but it doesn’t and can never solve all of your marital problems. It’s funny how some couples are quick to say, “have sex all the time,” when they’re asked what’s the secret of their happy marriage. If you’re experiencing financial setback in your marriage, sex won’t fix it nor would it help you if your partner is disrespectful and abusive. Some people even assume that constant sex can prevent infidelity – well, history has taught us how silly that assumption is. A lot of issues in marriage require tactical and strategic approaches to resolve them, and something as ‘trivial’ as sex just won’t cut it.
2. Never go to bed angry: This is one piece of marriage advice that has been repeated so often that it seems like the ultimate commandment of matrimony. Now here’s the thing – not every misunderstanding you have with your partner can be resolved quickly. Some matters may require a lot of dialogue and deliberation before both of you can reach a conclusion. So telling a couple not to go to bed angry means they must settle every quarrel and disagreement hastily so they don’t carry it over to the next day. Not having proper closure on things like this would build resentment that would lead to even bigger problems later on in that marriage.
3. Make sacrifices: We’re not talking about carrying a calabash filled with boiled egg, dead pigeons and palm oil to a junction at midnight; rather, this advice concerns one partner making concessions to favour the other person. That’s quite okay if it’s inevitable under certain circumstances, but it can become problematic when one party is always the one making all the sacrifice. In most cases, women are ‘expected’ to forgo their joy and give up things that make them happy (such as their career, hobbies, etc.) to be ‘good’ wives and mothers. It’s no wonder many young women these days have an aversion to marriage because they don’t want to have to choose between love and happiness – they’ve got to have both.